Honey van Campe Dishes
She couldn't be found but her legacy and recipes live on.
Honey van Campe divulges much in her book, The Drag Queen’s Cookbook (and guide to sensible living). Yes, it is a cookbook full of very good, often inventive, recipes. Yes, it presents very shrewd advice on ways to tackle personal, household, and social concerns that spill across the drag community into the mundane lives of everyone else.
For a long time, The Drag Queen’s Cookbook was the lone cookbook on the Drag Queen cooking shelf. Now there is a slew, each a credit to the field. But Honey’s is considered the first. That, however, is not the reason she should be enshrined in the International Food Writer’s Hall of Fame. The real justification is that she is hands-to-God the funniest person you have ever spent time with in the kitchen. There is such joie de vie in her stories and recipes that it puts into sharp relief the solemnity and didantic nature of so much of today’s food writing. Given that, Honey is a rarity, indeed.
A bit of light conversation, a heavy serving of compliments to each guest, and a spread that will weigh them down for the evening altogether compromises the formula for a night of girth-meets-mirth group gaiety. As the enjoyment and chatter accelerate, you’ll see that “pass the dish” refers to more than table service!—Honey van Campe, The Drag Queen’s Cookbook (and guide to sensible living) (Pontalba Press, 1996)
Let’s go over to her house and see what she has waiting for us. She greets you in morning robe and curlers and lauches into an indepth explanation about everything you ever wanted to know about drag but were too cringey to ask. She accomplishes this while housecleaning because a girl’s castle is her stage. She also demonstrates the virtues of multitasking by wearing her Dear Abby advising wig: Do you know when and where to tell your date what’s underneath your awesomeness? How do you let your parents know you’re a drag queen so they don’t faint? Do you know the dos and don’t of decorating? Honey’s here to tell you.
She’s also in the midst of prepping for dinner. Maybe it’s just for herself. Maybe it’s for a whole gang. Doesn’t change the effort especially since we all know you can’t be your most entertaining to a crowd if you’re first not entertaining to yourself. Her house is in tip-top shape, cleanliness being next to divineness. Her cosmetics, false eyelashes, curlers and wigs in their proper place. Laundry no longer flaps on the clothesline because as everyone knows public displays of brassieres, bloomers, and nylons reduce real estate prices. What a necessary comfort to come home to after a long day of coping with the world’s slings and arrows!
You’ve traveled many streets to be who you are, occassionally lingering on their corners, and perhaps at time even lying in their gutters. You’ve invited the criticism and jealousy of those close to you. You’ve undergone the pains of razors and waxes in the furry depths of your nether regions. Gal, you have really paid the price, you’ve paid the toll to travel those streets….don’t be shy about going out and being a woman all you want; it’s not only your right, but as you dump the pebbles from your slippers and straighten your heels, it’s also your duty!—Honey van Campe
Honey begins to cook and appropriately she thinks of her menus in terms of themes. There’s the Gala Dinner for One, the Diva Dinna, Ash Blonde Wednesday Brunch, Slumber Party (of course), among several others. Her many friends contributes recipes although Honey has a lot to say about each. I can honestly say that over the years of cooking with Honey, each and every dish is a pure delight especially after you decipher her unique measurements. Teaspoons are lsp for little spoon (like demitasse size); tablespoons are bsp for big spoon (a smidgen less than a soup spoon). It’s best to read the directions through first because she’s not very precise and sometimes leaves a few steps out.
Note that the recipes have nothing to do with complicated one-upmanship skills nor require arduous running about to find ingredients that are not in your local Walmart. Honey ensures that all her recipes are easy enough that a kitchen baby can whip them together with items already in the cupboard or in a pinch borrowed from the next door neighbor.
The Drag Queen’s Cookbook is a mere 123 pages long but it ends in tragedy—it’s no longer in print and hard to find. If you do it is exorbitantly expensive because it’s something of a Holy Grail to anyone who has heard about it. The publishing house no longer exists. Deeply disturbing is the grief of not finding Honey even after a very long and arduous investigation.
This is heartbreaking because it’s not a barrel of laughs for drag queens everywhere these days. 30% of our country’s states have ruled that performers are a disgusting danger to children. Another 14% are in the process of joining the 30%. If shaky math serves, that means by this time next year close to 50% of the nation has criminalized the lives of these great ladies.
What would Honey do? Upon finishing her book, it is easy to visualize her in her usual moxie ways how she would rally the troops for impromptu picnics on the lawns of offending state houses. A vast party of finely dressed and coiffed dames lavishly feasting in spite, showing the bastards the in-your-face strength found in comradery and laughter.
Honey would definitely approve.
At last, some recipes!
Two classic example of Honey’s style from her Ash Blonde Wednesday Brunch menu~
Hot Tomato Juice (ingredients listed as given) 1 lg. can spicy Tomato juice 1sm. Onion, grated 1lsp. Worcestershire Sauce Salt and Tabasco, to taste 1/2 cup Heavy Cream, chilled 2 lsp. minced Chives Combine the tomato juice with the onion, Worcestershire sauce, and seasonings. Heat just to the boiling point. Whip the heavy cream until very stiff. Blend in the chives and add any more salt, if needed. Serve the hot tomato juice with a dollop of the spiced, chilled cream on top. Great for winter brunches. Submitted by Miss Chalmatia St. Bernard On Chalmatia's own turf (down in the Parish) they sometimes add a splash of vawd-ker, but never on Ash Wednesday. Artichokes with Crabmeat and Hollandaise Sauce 4 Artichokes 3 lsp. liquid Crab Boil (i.e. the water from boiling crabs) 1 bsp. Cooking Oil 3 bsp. Parmesan Cheese 2 bsp. Butter 6 Egg Yolks 1/2 pound Crabmeat 3 bsp. Lemon Juice 1 lsp. Salt 1 pinch Cayenne Place artichokes in a large pot with steam tray. Add crab boil and water halfway up artichokes. Sprinkle cooking oil over artichokes, then sprinkle cheese. Boil until water steams down, about 1 1/2 hours. Hollandaise Sauce: Mix butter, egg yolks, crabmeat, lemon juice, salt, and cayenne in a saucepan on slow fire. Stir constantly until thickened, about 35 minutes. Dip artichoke leaves in sauce and....yummmmmmmmmm! Submitted by Miss Goddess Goode This delightful dame claimed to be the identical twin of Miss Goddess Grate, another recipe contributor. Questions over their differing last names and dimensions incompatibilities (Grate measures in at about 6'7" and the diminutive Goode is at best 5'4", poor lass, alas) were quick to put falsies to bed.
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