Sam Is Alive and Well and Making a Mess in My Kitchen

A relief for a bad mom.

I thought after last week I should circle back to my son who almost drowned in the creek.

Sam now saves his mother from herself on a regular basis, especially in the cooking department.

After being discharged from the Marines, he went back to school for a master’s degree in social work, did that for a while, then quit, went to culinary school, opened up a food truck with a fellow Marine, and successfully ran that until it broke the very tough men’s backs and bank accounts. He returned to being a social worker, which is what he’s doing now. Also, he found an incredible woman who makes him laugh and puts up with his occasional crankiness. The crankiness usually is the result of people being in his kitchen even if it’s actually my kitchen.

(His younger brother cooks, too, and with ingredients I don’t know the first thing about—like tofu. The difference is he’s not as full-throated about it as Sam is. It’s more in line with his mother’s philosophy in which knowing how to do laundry and cook for oneself are essential survival skills. These were thrust upon him when he was around 10 and learning to endure the variances of life.)

Sam has taken on the burden of planning family and holiday meals, a power that I’m very happy to pass on to him. His skills and knowledge are more professional than mine, given he’s classically trained and I’m diner trained. I’ll ask him what. He’ll come back with what if and it goes from there for days until I’m in the supermarket and texting him for final ingredients that he’s always changing at the last minute. An example for one Thanksgiving that took into consideration his father’s disdain for turkey:

Me: What about ham?

Sam: We gotta have stuffing.

Me: You can stuff ham.

Sam: It needs to have a seperate taste from the meat. It’ll be too hammy. What about a jalapeños with apricot kind of thing?

Me: (thinking, just back slowly away now)

Sam: Got it! Stuffed crown roast.

And that’s what he did after he kicked me out of my kitchen.

Don't look at the messy kitchen and don't ask what the Cloroxo bottle is doing in the top right photo while he's reducing a sauce.

Sam has given me permission to record one of his favorite summer recipes for stuffed hamburgers. When he first made the burgers he put in some chopped turkey or chicken meat for added flavor, but he wasn’t happy with the results.

For moral reasons, it [adding turkey or chicken] defeats the purpose for most people eating a poultry-based burger versus a beef burger. Plus, the meats are done at different temperatures, so overall it’ll be dry.—Sam Finan

For your summer backyard pleasure….

Stuffed Hamburgers for a Crowd

Makes about 16 burgers

7 1/2 pounds roughly chopped beef  (see note below)
2 1/2 pounds sweet Italian sausage with casing removed. Preference is given to handmade sausage, but don't go to any trouble or extra expense. (see note below)
1 sweet onion, minced
2 bell peppers, minced
3 jalapeño peppers, seeded and minced
Handful of cherry tomatoes, chopped
2 or 3 garlic cloves, minced
1 teaspoon oregano or a blend of your favorite herbs 
1 teaspoon smoked paprika
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
1/3 cup steak sauce
1/4 to 1/2 teaspoons hot sauce (basically to taste)
1 1/2 tablespoons virgin olive oil
2 tablespoons bourbon (optional but strongly recommended)
1 egg, slightly beaten (optional)
2 handfuls blend of shredded cheese, such as sharp cheddar, Parmesan, Munster, blue, Swiss, horseradish, feta, etc.
Various vegetables to grill (perhaps radishes, for instance!), cut into slices or halfs and lightly doused with olive oil and/or balsamic vinegar
Soft hamburger buns. Brioche buns are excellent. 

In a large bowl, carefully mix the meat with all the ingredients except the egg, cheese and vegetables until well blended. Be careful not to overwork the meat. If the mixture is not holding together, add just enough of the beaten egg until it begins to bind the meat. But be very careful with the egg—you don’t want the mixture soupy.

Cover the bowl with plastic wrap and let rest in the refrigerator for at least an hour to make sure the flavors meld together to their fullest. It’s best if left overnight. You may want to taste test the mixture by cooking up a tiny amount before the main show. From there you can adjust the flavorings.

Take the mixture out of the refrigerator and make 32 individual medium-thin patties. Be sure they are the same size and thickness. Make a divot in 16 of the burgers and press in the cheese, then top with another patty. Press them lightly together to make sure the cheese is packed in tight. Place on a plate, cover with plastic wrap, and refrigerate again while you prepare the smoker/grill.

When the coals are ready, lightly brush oil on the grill. Grill the vegetables over indirect heat. Tend to them carefully—you want a nice sear rather than char. When finished to your liking, remove the vegetables to a serving plate.

Place the burgers over direct heat and sear. When a nice crust forms, flip them over to the indirect heat side. Grill until they’re fully cooked. The cheese will probably melt out a little over the sides, but that’s okay.

Serve on large soft buns with your choice of toppings. Enjoy!

Note: These meat proportions are estimates that should be adjusted to take into consideration of you and your guests personal preferences. And remember, the sausage will add fat: on the one hand, that will make the meat juicer; on the other, your guests may consider it as raising the cholesterol component to an unacceptable level.