For Future Reference

Easy bake activism.

Nov 08, 2022

After voting, the new sane plan for today is to avoid what comes after. I’ll deal with things when they shake out. One way I’m contemplating is to prepare a good dozen pies and go on a pieing spree. This form of activism has been around since the mid-1600s, when a bunch of bakers pelted the Spanish Hapsburg king with various pastries at a royal dinner. I can’t find what their grievances were or what became of them, but they started a global movement that continues today.

I’ve written about the history and effectiveness of pie protests before, even providing an illustrated lesson on how to throw a pie. But it bears repeating because it is a highly effective way to express dissent.

Pie throwing has a unique power. It puts the recipient in a tight spot: whether to laugh good naturedly or press charges, either of which can play out in unexpected ways. Laughing is the right response for something that has a long slapstick history. The recipient would also join luminaries from all walks of life who took it very well and thus showed their magnanimous, good-natured disposition. Unfortunately, the country these days is ruled by humorless politicians, and there’s not much hope the election results will improve the congressional humor quota. What’s on the thrower’s side, though, is the example of Sean Thompson, who pied Sacramento Mayor Kevin Johnson and who then, in turn, beat the hell out of him. Thompson was initially charged with felony assault of an elected official but the public sided with Thompson and the charges were reduced to a misdemeanor. Thompson continues to fight the good fight, while Johnson, saddled with various scandals, is hard to find anywhere.

(A word of caution about what kind of pie is best for throwing: stay away from cherry pie for the obvious reason that the fruit stains red on shirts and skin. Pie Any Means Necessary, the complete handbook for pie throwing by the Biotic Baking Brigade, suggests tofu cream pie. It’s very creamy and tofu is good for you. The pie has a graham cracker, maple syrup, and almond crumb crust and the filling consists of soft tofu, tahini, lemon juice, and almond extract. Sounds delicious!)

A learned discourse on the correct technique and response to pie throwing:

But getting back to today. Upon returning from the polls the plan is to engage in things that bring me joy, such as raking all the leaves I’ve let pile up in the garden. Then I will spread over the flower and vegetable beds a thick layer of Cabernet grape skins. (I’m learning how to make wine—a spring story. The wine maker says the skins can’t be beat as a winter mulch. My neighbors have commented on the winey smell seeping over my garden gate.) Probably read after that and finally chop up peppers and herbs for sofrito. Take the dumb dog for a long walk in the park because it’s a perfect cold, golden sunlight, autumn day. Upon returning I’ll pour a large glass of wine and sit in my aunt’s rocking chair to leaf through Real Simple magazine to pretend that the life promoted in the magazine is truly simple to obtain.

The one crack in my coping plan is my husband. He’ll come home from work and want to tune in to the results. Maybe I’ll leave his dinner on the kitchen counter and go take a long lavender scented bath.